What Can I say?
by LoveWritingxoxo
Summary: Brooke and Lucas broke up before college started. There was yelling, screaming, tears, and things said that they really hadn't meant. Now when they come face to face in Tree Hill, is the love they once shared still strong enough to be rekindled? AU BL, LP


**AN: **So this is based on a song by Carrie Underwood and Songs of Sylvia, just thought of it…out of the blue. This story isn't gonna be long, maybe just a few chapters…10? maybe.

**Summary: **Brooke and Lucas are going to different colleges far away from each other and they decide they can't hold on to a long term relationship. But is there love still strong enough to last after all these years?

**Disclaimer: **No I don't own the awesome characters that are; Brooke Davis, Rachel Gatina, Nathan Scott, Haley James Scott, Bevin, Mouth, Skills…and I'm too lazy to put anymore =]

**What Can I Say?**

**Chapter 1 – Memories of a Sad Goodbye**

_Piercing words_

_Eyes are red_

_Watched your taillights in the rain_

_Empty heart filled with regret_

_I know we were both to blame_

_And I'm not sorry that it's over_

_But for the way we let it end_

It was raining.

She stared out her window as she watched the man she loved drive away, tears streaming down her face like a continuous waterfall. She wanted to tell him so many things. She needed to tell him so many things. But she chickened out…like always. Her pride got in the way.

She walked over to her desk, the old habit coming to mind. She decided to fulfill her desire. She picked up a pen, got some paper, and began writing.

_Dear Lucas,_

_I really don't know what to say…other than I'm sorry? I really don't like the way we ended things but, maybe it was for the best. I mean you're going to be all the way in California. California, Luke! And I'm here in New York. We're like 3000 miles away from each other!_

_I mean did you really think we could ever last?_

_I'll be honest with you and say I sure as hell didn't. And I'm not saying this in a cruel way, you know I love you so much. I just think it would be best if we give each other some time. See if our love is strong enough. Then, if you let me, I'll come back to you when school's over and we can try again. _

_I just miss you so much, Luke. I hope you miss me too. _

_I never meant to hurt you tonight or make you think that I didn't want this to work, because I do…so much. It's just so hard with you not here, and every time you came to visit, when you left it would've been harder. I want you to know how much I love you…that will never change._

_Once again I'm sorry for the way things ended, I regret it so much. _

_Love,_

_Brooke._

She stared at the piece of paper for a while before crumpling it up. She put it inside a small bag, made for trash.

_So I said all I had to say_

_In letters that I threw away_

**5 months later –**

Lucas sat at his desk. He was writing a paper for English class, but was having a bit of writer's block. He opened his desk drawer, fishing for his flash drive when he came across a picture. He picked it up, staring at the gorgeous brunette smiling back at him. The picture was of him and Brooke on the beach. He couldn't remember who took it, but he remembered that day perfectly. It was her going away party…to New York.

He also remembered that fateful day everything fell apart. He had just visited her two weeks after she left in New York before he had to fly back to Tree Hill, pack, and leave for California.

_Flashback:_

"_Luke…we need to talk." she struggled with her words and he knew this was serious._

"_Sure babe, what's up?" he took a seat next to her on the couch. "Uh oh, wait you're not pregnant are you?"_

_She gave him a weird look. "No, birth control …remember?"_

"_Right." he looked away, ashamed. "So what's wrong?" he asked again._

"_Well, you're leaving in two days…for California."_

"_I have to go to Tree Hill first to pack up all my stuff, but yeah I'm leaving in two days."_

_She looked away nervously. "What I'm saying is…" she struggled to find the right words, not wanting to hurt the brooding blonde boy next to her._

"_Spit it out Brooke. What is it?" he demanded seriously._

"_I think we should break up."_

_He stared at her for a good while, making her cower away at his gaze. "You're kidding right?"_

_She looked up at him with guilty eyes and he knew the truth._

"_Brooke, I thought we said we would make this long distance thing work?" He was trying to keep his composure, not wanting to lose it in front of the green-eyed beauty he loved so much._

"_You're leaving in two days and I miss you already." she stood up. "Lucas, I can't handle not seeing you for so many months and then you just randomly visiting me for a couple of days and then leaving again."_

_He stood up too, now angry at the brunette that she wouldn't even try to make it work._

"_So you're just gonna give up? Just like that? Not even try and make this work? You know, you always say how you're the one always fighting to keep our relationship strong when right now… it seems like I'm the only one putting in any effort!"_

_She looked up at him, her eyes filled with hurt. "I do want this to work, Luke. But you're going to be halfway around the world…miles away from me!"_

"_When two people love each other like we do, it doesn't matter how far apart they are. It doesn't matter because that person is the only one they are thinking about. They couldn't dream of being with anyone else because that person will always have their heart. Love survives hardship, heartbreak, distance…" he stepped forward and grabbed her face in his hands. "That's how I feel about you, Brooke. I couldn't dream of being with anyone else because my heart will always be with you, no matter how far apart we are."_

"_It's just…I can't, it's too hard. It was already hard enough not seeing you the past two weeks." He stepped away from her, frustrated. "Phone calls, video chat, and your two days visits it'll all be too hard when we press end, or when you have to go."_

"_It doesn't matter if it's not enough, Brooke!" he yelled. "Even if we get to see each other for only two seconds, that's enough for me…and the fact that it's not enough for you really says a lot…"_

"_Says what?"_

"_That you're not as committed to this relationship as I am." he stated simply. "Maybe you don't love me enough, is that it?" He watched the tears form slowly in her eyes and instantly regretted what he said._

"_How can you say?" she whispered. She tried to hold them back but the tears were streaming down her face like a waterfall. "I love you so much."_

_He looked away, not wanting to see the brunette cry because he might just break down himself._

"_Your actions speak louder than your words, Brooke."_

_He grabbed his jacket, and made his way to the door._

"_Where are you going, you leave in two days?" she pleaded._

"_Yeah, well maybe I feel like leaving early, you know since my relationship is falling apart and the girl I love doesn't love me enough back to hold on us, even from far away."_

_She was fed up. She couldn't stand here and listen to him spit false accusations her way. "Fine!" she huffed. She walked back in her room and picked up his duffel bag. What started as a joyous reunion between two lovers had turned into a full blown argument between two now, exes._

_She chucked it his way._

"_Leave, walk away! Like you always do…" her voice cracked as she whispered the last part._

"_I think you have me confused with yourself." he said harshly, and walked out without another word._

He shook the painful memory from his head and slammed his laptop down in frustration. It's been five months since their break up and he still wasn't healing. Although, he realizes now that breaking up was the right thing to do. All this time he hadn't seen her had been pure hell. He only caught a glimpse of her when Nathan visited and showed him a video taken at their son, Jamie's first birthday.

He remembers asking Nathan to send him the video. He took a screenshot of her face on the screen, and took notice of what had changed about her. Yes, this was desperate, but he hadn't seen her in months. Her hair was shorter, now a little bit above shoulder length. Her eyes still sparkled, but at the same time, held a little bit of sadness in them.

There was this one part in the video where Nathan and Haley were talking into the camera, but he wasn't looking at them. He was looking past them because over Haley's shoulder, stood Brooke Davis. She was leaning against the wall looking…blank. Her face held no type of emotion on it, it was just…blank. He saw her take a glance around the room at everyone and sigh before walking away.

She occupies his mind all the time. He can't get through a day without thinking about her, or see something that reminds him of her.

_How did it come to this?_

_I think about you all the time_

They hadn't even called each other.

He remembers one time Nathan had caught him staring at a picture of her he still had on his phone.

"Just call her, dude." he muttered before walking away. If only Nathan knew how many times he's tried. He nearly picks up the phone every day and begins to dial the all too familiar number but he just…can't.

_And you should know_

_Please believe me_

_I've picked up the phone a thousand times_

_And tried to dial your number_

For many reasons of course.

Number one, his pride. He doesn't want to make the first move and seem desperate. He knows she'd love to hear from him, but he's still hurt over the fight they had. He knows he said some hurtful things and he regrets so much that he made her cry. But he's still grieving over the loss of her.

_It's no excuse but I wish_

_That I never made you cry_

_I'm not sorry that it's over_

_But for the way we let it end_

_I couldn't find the words to say_

Number two, her voice. He couldn't stand hearing her voice, that raspy voice he'd grown to love over the years. Hearing it again would've been enough to break his resolve.

Number three, what if she was over him? He knew the possibility would most likely be slim to none considering all they had been through. But it was still a possibility.

Here's the scenario: He calls, she picks up, they talk awkwardly for a while. All of a sudden, he hears this deep voice that he knows no girl would possess. He can imagine what he'd be saying.

"Babe, come back to bed."

Brooke would get embarrassed and try to explain but he would've already hung up.

He shook those thoughts from his head. He shouldn't think like that. He had to believe that when he visited Tree Hill for Christmas, she'd be there and state there was still a chance for them.

He had to believe that she'd wait for him.

He had to.

Because, if their relationship was just going to end on that note, on that sad, bitter, note…he doesn't think he'd be able to live with himself. Knowing they ended like that and doing nothing to stop it from happening.

_I hate to think all you had of me_

_Is a memory I left you_

_Space between what was meant to be_

_And the mess that it turned into_

**AN: **First chapter, what do you think? Should I continue?

And by the way, check out my profile pic! BL SEXINESS! UGH…can you believe they only showed like 2 seconds of that scene? I was like WTF!


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